They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To
Written by Warren Barfield
(Verse 1)
"My grandma, she was fifteen when she married
The boy who would be my granddad
And he never even touched her until they said 'I do'
And he finally took her hand
And they filled a home with children
My daddy was the sixteenth one
And even after granddad died
She never gave another her love"
This is one of those songs where the story behind the song is actually in the song.
*** scroll to bottom for acoustic performance ***
This is a picture of my paternal grandparents. It sits on an end table in my parents' living room.
His name is Edgar. Her's is Essie.
Grandma Essie was 15 when she married him. The story is they never touched until after they said 'I do,' and even then, instead of a kiss, they held hands and walked into a "till death did they part" kind of marriage.
I'm guessing they worked through the physical aversion rather quickly because they ended up with 17 children. My dad was the 16th one. Here is a picture of Grandma Essie with her youngest two kids—my dad and my uncle Timmy.
I did not get to know my grandparents. Granddad died when my dad was still a boy, only 12 years old. Grandma never married again. She passed away a week after I was born.
They never owned anything but the clothes on their backs. They were tenant farmers. They lived in a shack on someone else's farm and worked the land for a share of the crop. With no education or even the ability to read or write, they literally scratched out a living from the land.
I won't share my dad's stories as they are his to share or keep. I'll just say that Granddad was a hard man made from hard times—a farmer and a heathen who found redemption on his deathbed. On the other hand, Dad describes his mom as an angel—not the soft kind, but the warrior kind, who literally sheltered him from harm.
After growing up on a farm, Dad chose a different life. He became a pastor, sowing into and shepherding souls rather than soil and livestock. He met my mom at a church gathering. They were married within the year.
(2nd Verse)
"My daddy, he worked two jobs
To make sure us four kids had what we needed
And Mama, she taught us all
That God provided for those who believe
No, we did not have much, but they made sure
We were always together
And even when times were tough
They taught us that family is forever"
Warren Sr. (Sam) & Priscilla Louise (Pat)
They raised four children together. I am #3.
Dad pastored small churches of less than 40 people that could not financially provide for his family. He worked several other jobs to give us all what we needed. The main job I remember him having was as a door-to-door insurance salesman. Mom worked at a daycare and had a home daycare for a while. We didn't have everything we wanted, but I don't remember ever going without. I got picked on for cheap shoes and hand-me-down clothes, but that says more about what other parents weren't providing their kids than it does about what our parents were giving us. Actually, as I sit here and think about it as an adult with kids of my own, I don't know how they did it. Sacrifice, determination, conviction… I am lucky. No, lucky isn't the word—I am blessed to be their son.
By the time I was 18, Dad was able to focus full-time on his ministry when he began pastoring a church that provided him with a full-time salary. Mom also began working full-time at the school in our small town. They both recently retired from those positions. They have a thriving marriage and time for a beautiful garden now—still making it like they used to.
I come from a long line of farmers. I didn't know that life, though. My parents showed me a different way to sow and reap. I am still reaping the benefits of all they sowed.
(Verse 3)
"We are writing our story line by line
Through good and bad times
And I pray we never stop
Until the last chaper is closed on this life
And when our grandchildren
Pull our memory off of the shelf
I hope they see, we fought for things that mattered
And we loved till our last breath
May they say"
(Chorus)
"They don't make 'em like they used to
You don't hear stories like that these days
They don't make 'em like they used to
The kind of love that last, always
That's the kind of story
That I want to write with you to prove
We can make it like they used to
We can make it like they used to"
I have a strong marriage today. What I mean by that is, my wife and I are for each other, not against. We have difficulties to work through at times, like any relationship. But the majority of our interactions are about lifting each other up and reminding ourselves that we can make it like they used to.
I followed in my dad’s footsteps in a way—my music career was always about speaking to the soul and the need to reach higher than the offerings of this world alone. But the irony isn’t lost on me that when I retired from music, I moved my family to a farm. My dad may have tried to transplant the family tree, but the roots run deep.
I often think about the constant divergence of paths along life’s journey—how one step in any direction can lead to countless possibilities. I think of the lives that have gone before me, serving as examples of what’s possible. I try to apply their lessons on my own journey.
I am next in line after Edgar & Essie, Warren Sr. & Priscilla.
I write songs as altars to pass by from time to time, reminders of moments along the way where those rocks were stacked, word by word. May they keep me on the right path—and, hopefully, help direct others as well.
I’m thankful for the ones who came before me.
Megan and I will be out on our farm, determined to make it like they used to.
